


My saving grace

by Lolachan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt, I dont know what else to tag honestly, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Lance (Voltron), Sad Lance (Voltron), Scars, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Soft Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 03:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolachan/pseuds/Lolachan
Summary: Its sweet and a little depressing.Lance is giving up when a stranger comes out of nowhere and somehow manages to talk him down.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	My saving grace

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rant fic. Dont judge me for any of this please. Leave a comment and tell me what you think.

The way the wind blew past him was warm and soft. It wrapped around him pushing and pulling strong but gentle. Caressing against his skin, blowing through his hair. Licking at his outstretched arms and fingers. He sighed dropping his hands to his sides and tilted his head back looking up at the sea of stars above him. You couldn't see them from in the city the lights from the cars and buildings mostly drowned them out. But from here standing above it all, the busy streets nothing but a far away blur, a golden glow bellow him the stars became clear. Its beautiful. He honestly can't remember the last time he's felt this light. This free. 

Free of the people who were always watching, waiting for him to fuck up. Free of the judging eyes of his 'friends' who are only his friends as long as his status is high enough. Free of his his parent's expectations whereas they haven't had an actual conversation with him in god knows how long but they talk about him to others like they know everything about him. Acting like they're a close and loving family. Saying how proud they are that he is following in his father's footsteps to take over the business. It made him want to laugh every time he heard them say anything like that because it's not like he had a choice in the matter. 

He never had a choice not in what school he went to, not in what he studied, not in who he was friends with, not in what he did in his free time or the way he dressed, not in what sport he played or what instrument he learned. Nothing was his choice, he's been forced into a mold of his family's expectations and people's judgment. He is ment to be nothing but there puppet and if he acts out in any way he will pay for it. It's been like this for a long time. Now he's done. He's simply tired of it all.

He's tired of smiling when all he wants is to curl up and cry. He's tired of being polite to people who already have or are waiting to stab him in the back. He's tired of being surrounded by so many people but knowing none of them actually give a shit. He's tired of being his father's perfect little puppet, listening to everything he says no matter what. It's not like he can talk to him about all of this. The few times he tried to stand up for himself didnt end well. He's been carrying around the guilt from what happened for years and his family only adds to it. It's all his fault after all. What they dont seem to understand is that they aren't the only one who lost her. Lance lost her too, and even after all this time they still act like it was his fault. He knows it's true but it still hurts. 

He would have been fine with continuing like this if anything he did was ever good enough for them. He's fine with putting on a strong face and swallowing his emotions. He's used to that but it hurts. Because all he's ever wanted in return was a smile that was ment for him and not because they were in public, he wanted to receive a pat on the back and not flinch. He wanted to hear them saying he did a good job. He wants his family to acknowledge him, accept him. Support him when he fails. Encourage him to do better, help him do better. He wants a family who love him unconditionally because isn't that what they're supposed to do? At least then the only thing hurting him would be from outsiders or himself. He would have somewhere safe to go whenever things got really bad. 

Maybe then it wouldn't have hurt so much all those nights when they didnt come home or when they didn't come to any of his competitions. When they were out of town for his graduation. When they said they were working over the holidays.

It wouldn't hurt because they would care. It wouldn't hurt because they would have asked how his competitions went, they would have asked for pictures of his graduation, they would have at least called to tell him they couldn't make it home on time so he wouldn't stay up till 3 in the morning waiting for them every time they said they would be home. They wouldn't have left him to stay up waiting for them Every single time because apparently to him it didnt matter how many times they broke a promise or left him alone, he always had that stupid bubble of hope that next time would be different. That maybe next time they'll ask maybe they'll change. All he could do was hope that they would realise that what happened hurt him just as much as it did them, if not more. It was easy for them to dump all the blame on him but he could only blame himself, it was his fault. That's the truth and he knows it. But still if they had cared they wouldn't be forcing him to get engaged to some girl who all he knew about was her name and some bullshit cover girl magazine info about how she loves nature and the color pink. They would think about what he wants and what's good for him and not about his, no there image. 

They would have remembered that today was his fucking birthday. 

If anyone of them had cared even just a little bit he wouldn't be here, standing on the ledge of the roof to a 30 something story high building. He wouldn't be giving up.

But he is. And they don't. Because life is a bitch like that, and people are assholes who dont give a fuck about anyone other than themselves. His parents are no different, rich assholes who only think about their public image and how much their business is worth. Sure he gets it he's the only son of the founder of the Garrison. Now engaged to the daughter of the C.E.O of some big ass company his dad wants a partnership with. That's big news but it's not what he wants in life. He wanted to find his own path. Marry someone because he loves them and not just because his father said to. He honestly couldn't care less about what people think of him but his parents do and they won't settle for anything less than perfect. 

This is what his father arranged for him to hide his shame of having a bisexual son. Let's force him to marry a woman before he strays to far. It was either this or send him to some conversion camp to 'help' him. But that would be a big stain on the family name if they did. So, forcing an engagement was the better option. It didnt matter that he was just turned 20. All that mattered was what they saw fit, he wasn't supposed to have an opinion. 

Well tomorrow's morning news is going to be like a slap in the face and the worlds biggest 'Fuck You' to them. He wonders what the headline will be. He wonders what they will say, will they try to cover it up? Completely ignore it? Give some bullshit sob story statement that they didnt know what led him to this to try and save face? Would they even care that he's gone?

He should probably be afraid. I mean he is literally one step away from death but he's not afraid at all. He feels oddly empty. Earlier he was drowning in all the things that have been pileing themselves on top of him for years. That's what brought him up here but now he's not sure what he's feeling but it's not fear. He's mad. At least he was. He's hurt but it's all muted buried somewhere inside him. Now though? He's just...Tired. He's so fucking tired of all of this. He's numb, it's a weird feeling to have at a time like this but he's glad for it. He wants all this to end. All he wants is to stop hurting. 

He closed his eyes again letting the rare calm feeling wash over him. Letting himself soak in it.

The sound of the roof's heavy metal door screeching open scared the ever living shit out of lance, making him flinch so hard he almost lost his footing. His heart dropped and he was washed in a sudden wave of dread making his skin burn both hot and cold. His stomach twist making him nauseous he might have been sick if he had eaten anything. With wide panicked eyes he stared down at the street below him. He... He almost fell. 

Yes, he was planning on stepping off this roof but it was going to be his choice. He was going to chose when he was ready. There is a difference between choosing to do this and having it be an accident.

All the emotions he was numb too less than a minute ago came back as one, anger. He was pissed at the asshole who almost made him fall. He whipped around to face whoever it was who came up here. Finding a guy wide eyed and shocked looking at him like a deer caught in headlights with a camera hanging from around his neck. Lance snarled at him, glaring daggers. Fucking paparazzi. Cant he catch a break he's barely been up here for over an hour (at least he thinks it's been that long) and someone followed him. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Living off of other people's misery. Did this dude seriously come up here just too get a photo of him like this? 

"The fuck is wrong with you? Why did you follow me? Are you really that fucking desperate to make a headline that you would come up here to take a picture of this?" Lance's words came out as a growl, swinging his arms out as if the guy needed a clearer view. Voice dripping with all his hatred for people like him. If these are going to be his last few minutes then why should he give a shit about being polite to anyone.

Camera guy flinched at his words still looking shocked. Then he furrowed his brows and turned to look behind him not finding whatever it was he was looking for he slowly turned back to him. Confusion written all over his face head tilted to the side, lips pressed into a hard line. "What?" His voice was soft and deep, hesitant and very confused.

"Dont give me that bullshit innocent act. Why did you follow me?" Why cant he just be left alone he just wants this to end and now this dude is going to make this some big spectacle.

The man blinked at him frowning. "I didn't?" 

"Not even gonna admit it?" 

"Admit to what? I don't even know you. Why would I fallow you?" He sounded shocked maybe slightly annoyed but still spoke calmly like he was afraid to piss lance off.

One part of that caught his attention. "Wait, You dont know who I am?" At the head shake he got from him, lance was rather shocked. "Uh.. the names lance?" The only reaction he got to that was a raised eyebrow. "Lance McClain?! Garrison enterprise?! Big ass international company owners oldest son!?" Still no realization. "Where the fuck have you been living, under a rock?" 

The guy gave him a once over then shrugged looking a little sheepish he shrugged. "Im guessing you're somewhat famous. Sorry I'm not really one to fallow gossip magazines." There wasnt any trace of sarcasm in his voice. 

Gossip magazine's? Is he serious? Is this dude serious? Ok fine if this guy wants to play stupied. "If your not paparazzi then what's with the camera? " 

"I'm a photographer. I came up here to take pictures yes, but not of you." 

The way he said it was so final like he hated even the idea of taking lance's picture pissed him off but whatever. Ok fine, as long as he's not here for him. Lance scoffed turning away. Maybe if he ignores him he'll go away. Lance just wants to go back to that calm feeling he had a few minutes ago. It made everything he was about to do seem so easy. 

It was quite for a moment. Just long enough for lance to get his hopes up that maybe the dude was going to leave. 

"Are you ok?" His voice was still soft and low but he also sounded worried. Witch was weird considering they dont know each other. Why would this guy care if he was ok? Its pretty obvious what he's was about to do so why bother asking? It's not like he actually gives a shit.

"I'm fucking great, just enjoying the view." He put as much sarcasm as he could into the way he said that. Ignoring the familiar burning behind his eyes. He doesn't even know why he wants to cry right now. Why won't he just leave already? Lance wants, needs to be alone right now. Its actually kinda funny how bad he wants this guy to leave when just a few hours ago he was silently begging for literally anyone to ask him that exact question. Now though he feels like there's no point. It's too late and he doesn't want it anymore. He's already given up so what's the point.

"It is a really nice view." Still speaking softly this guy was really starting to get on his nerves. 

Lance felt his eye twitch. Cant this guy understand? Does he not know what's happening? Cant he see what lance is planning on doing? "Take your fucking picture and leave already. I came up here to get away from people like you." He didnt bother turning to face the guy. 

"Oh? Yeah I get that. People can be a pain sometimes, it's nice when you can find time to be alone." He seemed to be completely ignoring any and all demands for him to leave.

Lance turned his head slightly toward him finding the guy closer than expected now standing just a few steps away looking at the city bellow. He looked relaxed hands in his pockets, face unreadable except the slight frown. Lance wondered briefly from someone else's point of view witch one of them would be considered the crazy one. Him standing on the ledge of the building who less than 10 minutes ago was ready to take a swan dive or this dude who was apparently trying to start a conversation with a person who he doesn't know at all and is about to kill himself. 

"If you understand then why dont you leave already?" He kept his voice as a low growl making sure it was obvious that he wasn't welcome and he didnt want to talk. Whatever this guy is playing at he doesn't want it. Whether it be sympathy or actual understanding its bullshit and he doesn't want the act. 

"Its because I understand that I'm not gonna leave." He was still facing the city but he was watching lance from the corner of his eye. His voice was so soft and filled with so much something lance didnt know to think.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Lance gave up on waiting for him to leave turning so he was fully facing the guy. The man tensed when lance moved his arm jerked out towards him like he wanted to reach out and grab him. A small spark in the very back of his mind was happy to see that someone would actually care if he jumped or not. Lance knew he wouldn't actually care but at least he would be affected by it somehow.

The guy watched lance for a long moment chewing on his lip before sighing softly and turning more towards him. "It means I've been where you are right now. And as much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I wanted someone to be there for me." He spoke so softly eyes locked with Lance's. 

Lance suddenly felt naked in front of him. Uncomfortably bare with all the ugly thoughts and feelings he always tried to hide hanging out for the world to see. This guy knows. He may not know exactly how he feels or why but he knows what it's like to be standing on the edge. Knows what it's like to be giving up. But something doesn't add up if he has been in his place before, then how is he here now? Is he just saying that so lance will feel more comfortable? Why, so he will talk to him? Did he just want to play hiro? That thought pissed him off more than anything.

"If you were Ever where I'm at right now you wouldn't be here." He growled out clenching his fists and glaring straight at the guy.

The man took a step back flinching at the words like he just took a slap to the face. He's expression shifted from hurt to annoyed to understanding before it hardened into something firm and determined. Witch was weird but what was weirder was the guy puffed up and started stripping without any type of explanation. He shrugged off his backpack then took off the camera and gently placed it on top of it. He then took off his jacket chucking it off somewhere to the side. Standing there in a dark tshirt and skinny jeans he pulled his phone out of his pocket tapping a few times the flashlight came on.

He paused for a moment to look up at lance again and lance was surprised to see him chewing on his lip looking at him with wide eyes the sudden shift surprised him. It took a second for lance to realize he looked scared or nervous, maybe a bit of both. The guy let out a shakey breath he was holding his whole body sagging just a little with it before he stepped forward and reached out one of his arms. Lance tensed thinking he was going to grab him and try to pull him down but all he did was hold it up in between them. There was still plenty of space in between them but if he took one more step his hand would probably touch just above his knee, he brought the light up and shined it onto the inside of his arm. 

Any type of demand for an explanation he had froze on the tip of his toung. 

Scars.

Long jagged scars ran up his arm, starting at his wrist reaching all the way up to his inner elbow. They were a soft faded pink color and had a silver shine to them, puffed up slightly against the rest of his pale skin. The first went from the end of his thumb and it looked like he just yanked the blade towards himself. The next slightly overlapped with the end of the first, dragging the cut higher up his arm then another and another, zigzagging all the way up. It looked like he had tried to do it quickly but kept stopping and lance knew it must have been from how bad it hurt. You could see every time he stopped, pulled away and started again by the way the scar started thin, thickened in the middle then thinned out again. Just imagining how much pain he must have been in, both doing that and whatever it was that pushed him to think that doing this to himself was the easy way out. 

Lance swallowed mouth suddenly feeling very dry. He couldn't bring himself to look up at him. He wanted to ask why he did it, what pushed him to that point. How he's here now. What got him through it. A hundred questions floated around in his head. He doesn't know how long he stood there just staring at the guys arm, he wanted to touch them but that seemed like it would have been a bit too much. Eyes tracing over every scar lance tried to imagine doing that to himself. If he wasn't on the roof right now would he have done that too? Just the thought off all the blood made his stomach twist painfully. It made what he was doing seem like a joke. Stepping off a roof and letting gravity do all the work for him. It's like he was taking the easy way out. He knew it wasn't in any way easy but the thought still stuck. Leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

He must have been quite for too long because the guy had started shifting from foot to foot. Hands wavering where he was holding the light the other pulling back slightly towards his chest in a self conscious manner. He should say something anything to ease the guys nerves. It suddenly dawned on lance that he might be ashamed of his scars. They wernt new judging by the faded color they were at least a few years old. But still he's probably heard so many negative comments about them over the years and yet he still showed them to lance. He really is trying to reach out. But, why? Something must have shown on his face that made it clear that he wanted answers but couldn't get the words out because the guy started speaking again. Though his voice lost almost all of its previous calm instead it came out wobbly and uneven. His face screwed up into something between a grimace and a determined frown it looked like he was forcing himself to talk even though the words seemed to hurt.

"I dont know how I survived, dont remember much just...." He cleared his throat turning off his phone light stuffing it quickly into his pocket. Leaving them in the slight glow from the moon and the far away lights, he couldn't clearly see his face like this but he didnt think he could handle it if he did. The pain in is voice was almost too much by itself. Lance watched him fold his arms across his chest. Shoulders hiked up to his ears he was hugging himself trying to act unaffected by talking about this but failing miserably. "I woke up in the hospital a few days later with the doctor telling me how lucky I was that someone found me when they did. I didnt feel very lucky though." He gave as bitter laugh that sounded so forced it hurt to hear. "I never got to meet the person who 'saved me' that time. I wanted to though. I wanted him to tell me why he did it. I wanted it to mean something but that never happened. I didnt want to be saved. It was....I was going through so much shit at the time I didnt even consider it to be saving. To me whoever it was just forced me back into a life I didnt want to live anymore and I hated him for it."

Lance could understand that. The thought of someone forcing him back, forcing him to stay without even knowing what he was going through, he would hate them too. So many people take things like this as a joke. They think it's just for the attention or that whoever it is is just being dramatic and throwing there life away for no good reason. Most people will say things like 'it's not that bad' or 'it could be worse' easily dismissing the person's problems like they dont mean anything. As if that will help. Telling them that things will get better soon or that they should look at the positive side of things.

'Yeah sure just give me a minute to turn off my depression, anxiety and self hatred and then we can go back to talking about more important things like what filter you should use on that photo.' 

God, he hates people. But still that didnt answer any of his questions. If anything it left him with more. Because that doesn't make any sense, if he just went back to how things were why did he stay? If nothing changed then what was the point?His mouth still wouldnt work though, he couldn't get himself to say anything. It felt like there was something lodged on his throat. He opened his mouth but nothing came out so he closed it again with an audible snap. He was so frustrated with his inability to say anything he felt like screaming just to see if his voice still worked. Or maybe crying would lighten the weight in his chest and dislodge whatever it is that's stuck in his throat.

Lance was silently wishing that the guy would start talking again. It didnt matter what he said but just anything to fill the silence. Silence ment thinking and thinking would make lance eather scared and doubt himself or hope. Hope for what exactly he didnt know but it was there he could feel it and it was a steady growing weight in his stomach and he hated it. Because hoping is the stupidest thing he could do right now. He had absolutely nothing to hope for. 

'He didnt have anything either and he still stayed. So why cant I?' His mind had been blessedly quiet before this guy joined him but now that voice was back. That stupid fucking voice that always gets him hurt whenever he listens to it. He won't make that mistake again. He just needs this guy to leave so he can finish what he started. It doesn't matter if he went through something similar, it's not the same. Maybe he had something or someone to stay for once he woke up but lance doesn't. Theres no waking up from this and even if there was he doesn't have anything worth suffering this much for. Hes been waiting for something or someone to hold on to for long enough now to know it's not going to happen. It's not even giving up if its simply the truth. 

The guy just watched lance for a long moment before he stepped up next to him, there was still about an arms length of space between them but for some reason it didnt make him nervous like it did befor he knew that he wasnt going to do anything to him like try and force him down. The guy leaned slightly onto the ledge and looked out at the city. The lights gave his face a soft glow and it somehow just then rejestered to lance how the guy looked with his pale skin and big dark eyes and the dark hair pulled up into a small puffy ponytail and for some ungodly reason lance found himself thinking he was pretty. He didn't look at lance but lance noticed the way his nails were digging into his arms, he did manage to get his facial expressions back to something more neutral.

"It um..it wasnt the only time." He spoke softer now just a little quieter, his voice was a little shakier it made lance both intrigued and scared of what could be worse than the scars. "I tried again after I got out of the hospital. I stole a car, and used it to go to this big old ass bridge we have back in my hometown." Lance understood where this was going but that didnt stop the steady trickle of dread from seeping into him. "I tried to jump." He said it with a shrug, like he was stating something simple and obvious like the weather. "Someone stopped me. Grabbed me by the arm and wouldn't let go. I was pissed, I thought it was the same guy from before." He sighed, his eyes were unfocused and his hands wouldn't stop twitching but he continued in a daze. Reliving those moments as he spoke. "It took hours but in the end he talked me down." 

They lapsed back into silence. Lance still had a million and one questions but he felt like he needed the pause to gather himself, although the guy didnt actually explain what happened or why it led him up to that point it he felt like knowing wouldn't change anything. It wouldnt chang his fate but still. It scared him, knowing there was someone who went through enough to reach this point and yet somehow managed to push through. This guy reached the point where lance is at now and was able to, he doesn't even know what to call it, Stay? Survive? Live? 

"So now that you know I'm not just trying to be an asshole, can I ask what's got you so on edge?"

It took a minute. A long fucking minute before it clicked and lance just looked at his feet to hide whatever face he might have made and swallowing down what would have been an insane sounding giggle. There is absolutely no way he heard that correctly. "Did..Did you just make a pun?" 

The guy frowned for a second then his eyes widened slightly and he groaned dropping his head back. "Oh god I did." He sounded horrified witch did not help lance with trying not to laugh. "Pidge would be so proud." He broght his hands up and started rubbing at his eyes groaning again and he seemed to be talking more to himself with the last part but lance instantly wanted know who pidge was. "I need new fucking friends if this is what they do to me." He continued to grumble. Lance had barely managed to keep himself from laughing but he couldn't help the slight pull in his lips and judging by the way the guy gave him a small smile once he dropped his hands he probably noticed it too. 

"If you dont want to tell me what brought you up here that's fine." He grinned at lance, he felt his heart lerch. "We can just stand here in awkward as fuck silence until you are ready." Lance snorted and this time he actually smiled a little. It was gone just as soon as it came but even just for a second it felt good to smile again.

He thought for a moment before saying. "You first." 

"What?" He looked genuinely confused so lance brushed off the instant thought that he just didnt want to answer.

"I said you first. You told me what you did but you didnt say why." He shrugged, waiting for the guy to answer. His legs hurt from standing in one place for so long but he forced himself not to think about that. He wanted to know what pushed him to that point. He didnt know why it mattered so much all of a sudden but he needed to know. 

The guy scoffed shuffling a little and pressing his fingers harder into his arm. "You cant just ask that." 

"Why not? You just did." 

"At least I know your name sweetheart, you dont go asking why someone tried to off themselves without even knowing there name. That's just bad manners." 

Lance felt himself flush. He was right he didnt know his name. Asking hadn't even occurred to him. God he really is a horrible fucking person. Why-

"Keith." His inner dialogue was cut off by the sound of the guys voice. He just blinked stupidly at him force second. "Huh?" 

He smiled softly. "My name is keith." Lance's heart learched and he felt like crying again. His emotions were a mess one minute hes mad the next ready to cry his eyes out. He really needed to get a grip on himself. Keith quietly watched him for a long moment. "Come down first." 

Even though he said it softly and more as a suggestion than a demand it still made him freeze. Lance's blood ran cold. He wouldn't, couldn't get down. Not now, not after all the shit he's put up with. He's not gonna go back to that. He's not going to back away from the one chance he has at finally finding peace. No matter what this guy- Keith might believe, he cant be saved. There is to much bad in his life and memories for it to be worth staying. Theres no fixing that. Theres no fixing him. His eyes started burning again and this time he couldn't hold them back. Once the first tear slipped down his cheek there was no stopping it from turning into a steady stream. Running down his cheeks, dripping of his nose and chin. He sniffled as quietly as he could trying to hold back a sob. Maybe if he was quiet enough Keith wouldnt notice. 

Even if he did it's not like he would care.

"No, wait. No, you dont have to if you dont want to. It's ok, I know its scary. It's just, it's a really long story and it's kinda hard for me to talk about. Its stupid and depressing and it's not important. I just wanted to understand you. I wanted to know what got you here because I wanna know if I can make it better. I didnt mean to upset you. I'm...Fuck I'm bad at this. I'm sorry." 

Lance wanted to disagree and tell him that no, he wasnt bad at this. Whatever it is that he is trying to do seems to be working because since Keith started talking lance has felt weirdly calm. Not the empty calm from before no, it was the type that held promise of things that he didnt even know the names of. It scared him. He let out another sob. 

He didnt want this. He didnt want to continue like this. Its supposed to end tonight. He shouldn't have bothered even looking at the guy. Why did he hesitate? Why didn't he just take that last step when he heard the door open? Why did he start to feel hopeful once Keith said he wouldn't leave? Why was he so fucking weak? Why did he let himself listen? How could he make Keith understand that he is wasting his time talking to him. He doesn't want to get down. 

He doesn't.

Does he? Nothing would change. His life wouldn't get better. Not even in the slightest of ways. 

"Are you afraid if you get down things won't change?" Keith was watching him. He could feel it. He didnt answer, didnt know if he could answer. He grit his teeth and tried to regain control of his emotions instead. "What if there was somewhere else you could go?" Lance looked at him barely catching his eyes before looking away again. Stupid questions like that didnt deserve answers. "What if you could leave everything behind and just go, go somewhere and find something that makes living worth it?" Keith swallowed looking nervous and scared and it was just confusing lance even more. "Have.... If you really do end it, would you have any regrets?" 

Lance was once again floored. He didnt have an answer to any of those questions. But even if he did. "Theres no where I could go." He doesn't know why he keeps talking to Keith but he feels like he needs to justify himself. He doesn't have anything or anyone so trying to run away would be pointless. He'd rather just end it now than die in some dirty alley in two months. Even thinking he'll last that long is a far cry from reality. 

"Would...." Keith's voice trailed off and when lance looked at him he couldn't even begin to understand what type of look he had on his face. "Would you... like to come with me?" 

Lance couldn't even.... Just. "What?" It came out as a disbelieving whisper. And lance absolutely hated himself for how it sounded. 

"I'm a photographer." Keith gestured towards his bag and camera that were still on the floor somewhere behind him. It had lance nodding even though he was just stating facts. "I was planning on spending the summer going around. Like.. like a road trip I guess and I thought maybe you could join me?" 

If lance had felt lost before he didnt even know what to call himself now. He couldn't even think of anything to say to that. Because what could he say? He managed to choke out one word. His throat hurt and there were still tears leaking down his face but it was slower than before. He was honestly too confused to cry properly. But he needed to understand. "Why?" 

And Keith just watched him. Silently letting him work through whatever the fuck was going on in his head. When lance managed to look at him Keith held his gaze and his voice was firm and left absolutely no room for him to avoid the next question. "Why not?" 

Lance paused. Freezing in place and not even daring to breath, like he was just caught doing somthing horrible. It took him a long moment before lance realized he didn't have an excuse. There was no real reason why he couldn't just get down and go somewhere with Keith. There was nothing stopping him. Not really. Its not like things could get any worse than they are now. But still he doesn't want to try. Doesn't want to let himself get his hopes up just to be tarred down again and again. Hes let that happen enough. He doesn't want to put his hope and trust into anyone or anything. 

"I dont wanna do this anymore." How he managed to get the words out he didnt know but he needed Keith to understand that things would never get better for him. It doesn't matterhow far away he goes. "Its not gonna be any different. I cant-" His voice caught with another sob. He swallowed it down. "I just cant." He whispered if he said it any louder than that it would come out as a cry.

"Look I'm not going to tell you that things will get better once you get past tonight or when they do you will never have a day like this again because that's just not true. Trust me, I know. I've had someone pull me back twice but that's only the times i was actually on the verge of dying. I spent weeks going back to that bridge at night and I would just stand there and rethink every decision I ever made and I would sometimes regret ever listening to shiro and getting down. This-" He held up his arm gesturing at his scars. "Wasn't the first or last time I cut. Do you want to know when was?"

Lance hesitated lips pressed eyes still swimming with tears he blinked focusing back on Keith's face and gave a small nod. "It was after I met shiro, i was only with him for like a month but I felt like a burden. He had some shit going on and I convinced myself I was the reason to all of his problems. He came back and caught me before I did anything to serious. I remember screaming at him and being so fucking angry. He tried to grab me to take the blade away but I jerked my arm trying to get him to let go and...I cut him."Lance sucked in a sharp breath. "It all happened so fast I dont even remember everything was just a panicked blur, there was so much blood and I freaked out. He ended up needing stitches. I remember sitting in the waiting room at the hospital thinking at any moment the cops were going to walk in and drag my ass to jail for assault or something. I was called by the nurse, shiro wanted to see me I was fucking terrified. You wanna know what he said?" Lance needed to know what happened. Keith had hurt the one person who saved him. What could be worse than that? He nodded again, not trusting his voice. 

"At first he told me I had to help him with the wound. It was on his shoulder so he convinced me he couldn't do anything with that arm." He scoffed fondly. "He basically guilt tripped me into staying with him. After a while I tried to apologize again and he said the only way he would forgive me was if I never did it again. He had been nothing but nice to me and I felt like I owed it to him so, I promised." His eyes hardened. "It wasnt all sunshine and rainbows just because I stopped. I had bad days, I still do. But that doesn't mean I don't have good ones too." His face softened into a look that had lance hanging onto his every word. "You can have good days too lance. I know it seems like its not worth it but dont give up just yet. Give me a chance to show you that things can get better."

Lance wanted to believe him. He really, really did. His emotions were a reck and his head was filled with a thousand thoughts spinning around all at the same time making it impossible to think properly. The only thing that helped calm the noise inside his head was the sound of the keiths voice rambling on next to him. He didnt know what to do. A small part of him was whispering at him to get down and listen to keith who has been standing with him for god knows how long trying to reach out to him. A different part of him was screaming at him to finish what he started, to end it. His mind was ripping him in two directions and he didnt know witch one to listen to. Didnt know what to do. He couldn't move not forward to take that last little step and not back towards Keith who was less than an arm length away. He knew if he asked he wouldn't hesitate to get him down. He wouldn't force him but he would help if lance could only get himself to ask. Lance choked as another sob ripped it's way out of his throat. 

It hurts. 

He doesn't want to do this anymore. Why does it have to be so hard? Why did this fucking guy have to show up and make him rethink everything? He knows he's gonna regret it, he's going to be let down. He was full on crying again now, small hicuping sobs and tears streaming down his face. He didnt want to go back. He didnt want to get down. 

He didnt want to fall either. 

"Hey, hey lance, look at me." Lance did as he was told but he couldn't see him through his tears and that just made them come faster. He must look so pathetic right now. "Can I hug you?" The question sent all of Lance's thoughts to a screeching halt. It also sent another wave of emotions crashing down on him. "It's probably gonna be awful and awkward as fuck. I'm not really the hugging type but-" 

Lance managed to choke out a 'please' cutting off Keith's nerves rambling. He said it so softly and it was barely understandable between his sobs but keith heard him and that's all that mattered.

"Oh, sweetheart come here." And suddenly there were strong warm arms around his waist lifting him up, off and away from the ledge. He was lowered onto a warm sturdy chest untill his face was in the crook of Keith's neck and lance lost it. Fisting Keith's shirt he broke down into loud ugly sobs crying into his shoulder. Keith's arms tightened around him until they were almost painful but that seemed to be the only thing that was holding him together.

He doesn't know how long he stayed there, cradled in his arms as he cried. It didnt matter. At some point Keith had pulled them down into a sitting position with lance sideways in his lap leaning against his chest. Lance didnt mind, he felt safe and warm and he actually had hope for something even if he didnt know what would happen once the night ended. For now he was going to try and believe that things might get better.

He cried and cried and the entire time Keith spoke softly into his hair and rubbed slow strokes up and down his back. Lance didnt understand what he was saying. His mind spinning to fast to catch any of the words but his voice was calm and soothing. His voice and the steady sound of his heart beat is what calmed his sobs into small hiccups and eventually it lolled him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this into them falling in love type fic but I'm not sure. You tell me if you think I should.
> 
> I use Lance's fame as more of a metaphorical thing about how everyone judges you even if they dont know you.


End file.
